We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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