I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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