white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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