you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize