is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
