a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
