we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
