Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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