I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
