Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize