I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
