Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
