tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
