How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize