I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
