I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i was born a porn star she said
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
