you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I wear drunk well.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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