I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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