watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
