we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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