So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
