I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
