But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
