Everything about him screamed your future.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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