when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Randomize
