My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
