So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
