Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
