Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I could make wine with my vomit
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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