now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
