woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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