when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
