My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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