I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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