Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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