It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
