her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
