Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
