I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
