omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
