so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
