Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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