I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
