I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
