Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
