so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Randomize
