At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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