She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
