The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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