Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
