Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
