she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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