I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
