Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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