It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
