Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
