I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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