Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
