I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
