So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
