Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
