she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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