Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
