i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
one might say we're banned from that church
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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