I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
