I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
