the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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