..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
